First Impressions, Shmirst Impressions

In an effort to do something kinda cool involving my baby (that isn't Toddlers and Tiaras because Nate refuses to let me spend $1450 on Jackson's Outfit of Choice) and because I really like new stuff, I tossed my name into the mix of blogs requested by a baby product company I follow via Facebook to "give feedback and test new products". Also, Jackson was asleep on me and I was afraid to move and wake him up.


Since I've never attempted anything like that before, I sent them the following email:

Dear Baby Product Company-

I would not in any way consider myself a typical Mommy Blogger. Largely because I curse a lot and admit that I really have no clue what I'm doing (my son is 7 weeks old and he is WAY harder to take care of than a plant). I'm pretty much a hysterical-mess-turned-terrified-mom who's attempting to like Diet Coke With Splenda because I read something about regular (delicious) Diet Coke being terrible for breast-fed babies.

I tell you this only so that you aren't horribly offended upon reviewing my blog (although, heads up, you still might be), and also so that you're aware that I think I'd be a decent addition to your feedback giver/product reviewer team. I'm brutally honest (in my writing- not in real life, because that would be silly) and mildly funny (if you consider faux kitten fires funny), and quite frankly, pretty dog-gone relatable.

So, anyway, I guess just let me know your thoughts (unless they're negative- then just ignore me).

http://thewaterkatescandal.blogspot.com/

Respectfully,

Kate

Really, what's not to love? I've even gone so far as to do a test-run of product reviews based on various items around my apartment. For example:

Ode to Nate's Sleep Apnea Mask (or Masque, if you're feeling sassy):

Oh, sleep apnea mask, what can't you do? For one, you are a sexy, steely grey color that's almost better suited to a Honda Accord. Almost. It totally works on you. It wouldn't be prudent to be, say, lime green or something like that because you are primarily used at night and a neon color just makes no sense at all. Not to say that all neon colors are glow in the dark or whatever, but I'm almost positive that those colors are way more expensive to produce than your basic, neutral greys. Way to be cost-efficient, mask.

Additionally, when turned on, you create a lovely, breathy humming noise and I find it soothing. (Although, side-note, SAM-Sleep Apnea Mask- I do take issue with the fact that when Nate rolls over a little too vigorously, you lift off his face just enough to make a horrifying Darth Vader noise. I consider this petrifying when I'm in the middle of one of my three hours of sleep and wish that this wasn't so).

Furthermore, I appreciate that you keep Nate breathing at night. Maybe this feature shouldn't be so far down, but I just thought of it and if I move it, it'll destroy my train of thought. But I was getting pretty sick of having to punch his arm in the middle of the night and then rapidly flipping over and faking sleep so that he thinks he imagined being punched or maybe dreamt it and while he's wondering which one happened, I'm having to pray myself to sleep in two minutes before he gets to making more noise than I ever imagined possible from an unconscious person. So that's nice.

I guess my only complaint, other than the occasional scary whooshing noise (see above), is that you can be really unnerving in the dark (refer to photo comparison):



Predator

 

You'll notice the obvious parallels. (I had to model because no way would Nate let me take a picture of him wearing the mask and also because I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.)



 

This is clearly something that would shake your soul at 2am if you happen to glance over and are not expecting it. And no, SAM, it's not my fault for not being completely adjusted to your presence in my bed. Quite frankly? I'm still not used to Nate.

In summary, I heart the sleep apnea mask and am super glad that we spent $500 to meet our insurance deductible for my boyfriend to occasionally put it on until I fall asleep and then take it off and lay it on the nightstand for a kitten to step on and accidentally start and scare the shit out of me with the effing whooshing noise.

I'm pretty much a natural at product reviews.

PS: What I am NOT a natural at is text formatting, apparently. I don't have a clue how to fix it on this one and I just wasted half an hour trying and I'll be diddly damned before I try anymore because it's making me want to throw the computer. Also, I have to pee. So you can all just deal with it.